Pre-Crime Branch to report on minority communities in UK

Special police units have been formed to identify and take down pre-criminals and those harboring crime causing thoughts. X Sama has learned that the units, newly dubbed, "Social Seismology Units," have already begun measuring communities for extremism. Positions within the new units will be filled by Pre-Crime officers.

In the past, seismological crime, caused by the violent release of pressure between opposing doctrines, was mainly the preserve of antiquated Post-Crime specialists. However, new developments in social science have allowed a new breed of crimestoppers to gather evidence of social tension and release it, before eruption.

A junior police officer with detailed knowledge of English beer told X Sama, "Crime is only a symptom of the greater infection of pre-crime. Extremist thoughts act as a carrier of the fatalistic disease. Once infected, the host begins emitting foreign brainwaves that act against domestic waves. It's only a matter of time before they blow. What we have come to learn from the London bombings is that violent eruptions are predictable and preventable."

Social Seismologists will use a variety of techniques to identify the source of infecting thoughts and their method of transmission. Separating and establishing a quarantine of the infected population has not yet been planned, but neuroscientists are already planning effective treatments for cleansing infected patients.

A spokesman from the American CDC announced that there would be a joint effort to educate English speaking peoples about the dangers of extremist ideas. Citing the danger of, "newly imported Muslims passing on this illness to domesticated Muslims all around the English-speaking world," the CDC has already extended the quarantine time for immigrating minorities.
"The real danger lies in the Muslims who were born in the UK and US," according to the CDC. "Thought-disease is extremely adaptable. At the moment, it is spread by Arabic, Urdu, and a handful of languages and in conditions rarely found outside of Islamic communities." Scientists agree that it could easily mutate and pass into English thought, becoming immune to harsh weather and vile food.

For the moment, it is hoped that the UK's SS units will succeed in preventing another eruption, but the US and Australia will not be waiting to see the results. ESPN-2, Tony Hawk, and Mountain Dew have already extended their copyrights to include all extreme jihad and extreme doctrines in the regions. It is widely believed that private ownership of extreme ideas will generate enough revenue and incentive for companies to regulate the flow of these thoughts and prevent pressure from building up to dangerous levels.