Jack Is Back

I promised my good friends down at the White House - not the fake one in Washington - that I'd let this story die, but seeing as he's back in the limelight... Jack Bauer is a jerk. Every time he calls me it's like, "Dude, you wouldn't believe this 24 hour day I had last month." I mean like, I know, Jack, you only talk about it every time! Oooh, you're wife was killed by the double-agent you had an affair with. Oooh, you had to get addicted to heroin to get in deep enough to stop a nuclear attack on US soil.

This last summer finally topped it. Good ol' Jack fakes his own death goes underground, only to show up at my door. So not only do I lose a valuable source, but I have the guy smelling up my couch for months.

I'll spare you the details. Suffice to say that after a month of sulking and eating my rice crispies, Bauer gets drunk, cuffs me to the radiator, injects me with canned soup, and starts screaming, "Where is the TOILET PAPER!"

He's out of my place, and back on the streets. Things are getting better already. He's back in touch with the secret president and ready to foil those who mess with Texas. I have my CTU source back and he owes me a can of soup.

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