Return Of The King!

It was revealed by sources in Conda-skeeza Rice's lingerie drawer that GW Bush's appreciation for the Tolkien classic goes far deeper than many analysts had thought. In early high school, a bullied and awkward Texan read the Return of the King, and decided that he would grow up to follow his favorite character, Aragorn, son of Arathorn around the world as a personal tailor. However, Bush's life took an equally drastic turn, once he realized that the book was published in the early 1900s and Aragorn was undoubtedly dead. The young president then decided that he would become the modern equivalent of the King of Gondor. Ever since that day, he has been unwavering in pursuit of this goal.

Let's compare.
Aragorn spent his youth as ranger, a skulking woodsman who stole chickens to survive. Bush spent his youth slinking by in the corporate world, relying on his father's name to survive.

Aragorn relied on Gangalf's legitimacy to reinsert himself in politics. After the wizard's rebirth, he also gained the legitimacy of religion. Bush relied heavily on his father, and old man Cheney for credibility. To gain widespread religious brand name recognition, he became a born-again Christian.

Aragorn crowns himself king after a series of defensive wars within a great war. He accomplishes this easily, considering the power vacuum caused by his coincidental involvement that led to the suicide of the steward of Gondor, as well as the prior demise of his oldest son, Boromir. Bush crowned himself president after a shouting match with Gore, which ended with the Dems and the Supreme Court backing down to the side we all know the military will follow. He hopes that after a series of wars against terrorism (oddly little defense involved) the people will crown him president. And if not, the heads of Saddam's sons are warning enough.

Ms. Rice was heard mentioning how excited the president was for the release of the new film version of his favorite novella. She also reportedly told a friend to obfuscate a bill being introduced by Senator Orrin Hatch that would make Texas a special territory, conferring on the presidency the title of King. The senator did not want George to learn of the bill through the media before he could surprise him with it on the day of the premiere.