Shinto Science

Seeking to gain on economies of scale, Boston's Christian Science Monitor has opened a second office in Osaka. Whlie executives are still in the midst of choosing a name for the venture, the format and concept for the newspaper have been set.
Dr. Amita said recently in a public statement, "our view is that Japan is in need a fair and balanced voice in the media that isn't run by those hippies in Tokyo. Osaka is much better suited to our image as objective and spiritually minded." Dr. J "Bones" Christ is reported to have approved of the office selection, although he has not been openly overseeing the expansion. Preliminary plans to hype the paper center around the region's reputation for traditional religious values, ultra-nationalism, widespread alcohol dependance, and the 110 hour work week.
According to 180 year-old founder, Mary Eddy, CS Monitor exists as an independent alternative to the views of the New York World, which is evil and representative of the liberal bias in the media. Apparently, poor, hardworking old ladies favor conserative views, and it's the incredibly wealthy, unseen Jewish conspirateurs who have an interest in the spread of liberal ideals.
Critics of the expansion say that it has too few local management connections. "Christian scientists have overlooked key social dynamics. Neotraditionalists and Tokyophiles may be at odds, but this rarely affects people's perceptions of the media. Only input from local teams will be able to come up with a promising pitch for yet another right-wing outlet," said one Islamic scientist, speaking under condition of anonymity.