They're controlling our minds with flu shots, and now the Iraqis too.

The United States, er, wait, the Iraqi Council of Repratriated Iraqi Americans has declared the country's markets open. Firms over the world, including Japan's Docomo Ltd. and transnational Vodafone have been invited to bid on virtually all of Iraq's newly freed people. Foreign firms will now be able to wholly own Iraqi citizens and repatriate the profits. The move has left many other journalists wondering how such a move to sell the nation can be pulled off without involving whips, chains, and GIs clad in leather codpieces. They also wonder why normally beloved mobile telecom firms would be willing to risk their reputations on what seems a risky endeavor. Meanwhile, our good buddy and inventor of the bottomless peanut bag, Number 6, has come forward to shed light on the technology that will make it all possible.
Flu shots, generally administered before Xmas, have been given out by aid workers throughout the country. As in the US, this will drive the people into a frenzy of shopping. Unfortunately for the Bush Administration, distributing the mind-control serum and selling licenses and firms in Iraq are only the first stages. For the plan to work, financial backing from UN members and small investors must provide the initial disposable income to begin the bubble of a modern consumer culture. Only when this is acheived will the need for costly brain-juice and international aid workers be eliminated. Mr. X encourages you to keep your money out of Iraq and let the Iraqis exchange things the old fashioned way American way, through violent conflict.